I was baptized when I was born and raised in a Christian home. The son of an ordained minister, I went to church every Sunday. When I was thirteen, I was brought to the front and confirmed as a member of my church. I absolutely believed in God and I even dedicated my life to serving Him. I called myself a Christian. But I was not a Christian.
I believed that I was good enough. I believed that could do it on my own. I believed that I had something to offer God.
When I left home for college, I stopped going to Church regularly, I stopped praying regularly, and began to doubt if anything I had learned about Jesus was true. I certainly did not think that I needed a savior and so nothing that he did made sense to me.
7 years ago, a friend invited me to his bible study. I was still not attending church regularly, but I attended more out of social obligation than anything else. I quickly found something compelling about reading and discussing the scripture with other believers – I had never really done that in church. As we studied, I kept running into passages that did not match up with who I thought God was. “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life, no one gets to the Father except through me.” Wow. I don’t believe that!
I did not tell the guys I was studying with, but these scriptures weighed on my heart and I thought, how can I call myself a Christian when the bible says things I don’t believe? Despite my crisis of faith, I was a cultural Christian and servant to the Creator, so I continued going through the motions.
Then one day, at church, the pastor casually referred to Jesus as the Lamb of God. In mediating on the meaning of those three words – Lamb of God – suddenly all of the scripture I had been struggling with made sense in an instant. I was convicted of my sin and I came face to face with my own wickedness. I need a savior so desperately! With tears pouring down my face as I imagined Christ slaughtered for my sake, I silently called out to God asking “What must I do!?”
“Nothing,” Jesus replied, “I have done it already.” That day, I turned from a life of trying to do it on my own; of being ‘good enough’ and I turned toward a life where my trust was not in my strength but in Jesus to get me to the Father. That was 6 years ago, and I was never baptized. I am past due.
-Spencer
